I started this over a year ago with the intent to share thoughts of everyday life in ministry. I have not at all done that. I am now going to try to do this and try to keep it up at least once a week.
I wanted to share somethings I am currently praying about and learning over time. It starts off with this:
Lately, I have been feeling a little disconnected. I have been praying but, I have not been feeling God speak to me like He was when I started this venture. I have been remembering that if it feels like God moved, then who did really? I have wanted to do what I could to get reconnected.
Last night, I was sitting in the church office and thinking about this. I had stopped by there on my way home from work because I needed to get some communications out via email and phone calls. I looked out over Central and felt sad that I was not doing more. What can I do to reach out more? What can I do to get the word out that we are here to help others see Him and develop a relationship.
I went home and felt like I was a failure. I felt like what we are doing has no purpose and that we are stuck in the water. I was afraid I disappointed Him again and wanted to stop doing this. We have been going for a year and it seems like it is not taking off like we are hoping it to do. It didn't seem to matter that God was using us to reach others and that at least 1 or 2 people a week are giving their lives to the Lord or rededicating their lives. (please, understand that I am not trying to discourage anyone nor am I saying I am giving up, these are some honest thoughts I have been having and just some of the struggles I have been dealing with)
This morning I woke up and starting my quiet time, at least I still did this as much as I can. In one of the devotions I read, "Pastor who is not praying, is playing...", great, that was some encouragement. It felt like more a kick to the teeth. I thought I am praying but probably not as much as I should. After all, He has placed some people under my guidance who I need to pray for.
As I get ready for work, I listen to some teachings to help encourage me and to be sure I get fed. One of the pastors I was listening to was talking about service. I wanted to be sure I listened to what he was talking about. It seems that he has dealt with some of the similar things I was feeling. He said "Yesterday, I came to the church to work on my message. When I got here, I saw a line of cars with people in them, ready to do service. I thought, 'I wish I could do some service instead of being locked up in an office for several hours preparing a message.' Then it dawned on me, 'You're doing service based on obedience'. We need to remember that our service needs to be in obedience rather than in being busy. There is many needs out there and if we respond to those needs rather than to the obedience of God, we can stay busy but not be effective." He then talked about how the older men are to build the younger men up.
I then started thinking and praying. I was getting fired up again. I realized that God is using me to build up others to do service. I realized that we are all doing what we are supposed to do to be obedient to Him. He chose me to be the overseer of this ministry and that I do not always have to be the "hands on guy". I can get involved but I need to remember that I am to encourage those who He brought into our ministry and help them do the service.
Later on, as I ma spending more quiet time, I remember that there are others who have gone through this. I think of David, who, although he was a man after God's own heart, went through bouts of depression. I thought of Paul, who had divine intervention, went through physical ailments among other things. Then I thought about how they dealt with these things. They prayed. So, here I am again, back to being obedient and praying. Please, pray with me.
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